Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
I could break you in gently with a nuanced approach but imma cut right to the chase. It’s rubbish. It is at best mediocre and at worst rubbish. There are a few good things about it but they can’t save it.
So what’s up with it?
Eddie Redmayne. Like a really shit Hugh Grant for the younger generation. Mumbling along, doing that eye slide away thing, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, THIS MAN HAS AN OSCAR. (Don’t even get me started on the fact he has an Oscar. FOR AN IMPERSONATION.) Apparently Newt Scamander is odd. We know this because Eddie is all tics and weirdness and MUMBLING. I confess, I do not like Eddie Redmayne one bit (how does it not freak everyone out that he simultaneously looks 12 and 350) but even allowing for that, this is not a good performance. There’s a scene where he chases a renegade mole/vole round a shop and it calls to mind nothing more than a posh Frank Spencer tbqfhwy.
Magic. This film about wizards and magical creatures has less magic than Tam Shepherd’s joke shop (local jokes for local people). Where’s the wonder? I presume the effects cost a lot of money but it really doesn’t show.
Weird, creepy grooming subplot in a 12a film. Just WTF dude? Did you mean to do that? Why? It was perfectly possible to have that storyline running without weirding people out.
The 215 endings. This film has more endings than Lord of the Rings. YOU HEARD ME. I like endings. Good endings are gold dust. This film has about 7 shots at an ending, one of which is decent.
Johnny Depp. Nope.
What’s good about it?
Some of the supporting cast were really good. Katherine Waterston, Fine Frenzy and Dan Fogler do a great job bringing their characters to life and give the film its only spark. The rest of the characters (Newt aside) get so little screen time and depth that it seems an absolute waste of actors like Colin Farrell and Samantha Morton.
Should I spend £9 going to see this film?
Absolutely fucking not. (My kid quite liked it so if you’re a parent you might have to suck it up.)
Tiny Reviews 