Mostar and Dubrovnik

A couple of people, worn down by the sheer amount of instagram posts from my recent holiday, asked me to write up how I planned my trip so they could recreate it. Also there is nothing I love more than recommending things so here we are. This is not a tiny review, it is a longer than average review/guide to recreating my holiday to Mostar and Dubrovnik.

This holiday was Craig and I’s 50th birthday present to each other. I had wanted to to go Dubrovnik for ages and once I found out it was possible to travel by bus from Dubrovnik to Mostar I was sold on a 2 location trip. Readers of a certain age will remember when Mostar was on the telly every evening during the devastating conflicts as Yugoslavia broke up and the images of the destruction had really stayed with me so when I saw more recent photos of how they have rebuilt the old town, in original materials, to look just as beautiful, I knew I wanted to visit.

Flights from Glasgow to Dubrovnik and vice versa are Sundays so we planned to fly in to Dubrovnik at lunch time and then head straight to Mostar, getting most of the travelling over with on one day. Mostar has an airport but until they signed a deal with German budget airline Wings recently it was exclusively for charter flights. If you want to get there you need public transport or a hire car. The bus is about £15 one way and you can only pay in Croatian kuna, no cards, no euros. The bus leaves from the main bus station which is where the airport bus arrives in to so transfers are very easy. We had about 3 hours between arriving and getting the bus so had time to get lunch in a nearby cafe and go a walk. I’d say be at the bus station half an hour before the bus leaves because people form a queue and even in May our bus was packed and some people didn’t get on.

The journey itself takes around 3 and a half hours and is stunning. The first part is along the coast with hairpin bends and sheer drops down to beautiful bays and villages. Due to the nature of the borders you have to leave Croatia and enter Bosnia Herzegovina twice which means 4 lots of border control. I can’t lie, this part is tedious. Once you’re in Bosnia Herzegovina for the second time you can relax and enjoy the more countryside/green part of the journey. I tried to see the bus journey as part of the holiday and a way to see some more of the country and actually enjoyed it for the most part.

We arrived in Mostar about 8pm and got a taxi to our Airbnb apartment which was amazing. You can find it here

We paid £250 for 3 nights in a very spacious 2 bedroom apartment with a huge terrace, about 30 yards from Mostar old town. I can’t recommend this apartment highly enough for a visit to Mostar.

While in Mostar we did two trips with ihouse travel. The Death of Yugoslavia and Herzegovina Classics. Both were fantastic and brilliant value. Their website is here

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The Death of Yugoslavia tour cost €20 for adults and lasted over 2 hours. Herzegovina Classics cost €35 for adults, lasted over 6 hours and included admission to the locations you visit including Kravice Waterfalls which is stunningly beautiful. Our guides were friendly and knowledgeable and on both trips we were the only participants meaning we got private tours!!

In Mostar we visited the Old Bridge museum which gives incredible views and lets you see the history of the Bridge from its original building in the 16th century. On the other side of the old bridge is a small photographic exhibition with photographs of Mostar during the siege showing life inside the Enclave. It’s staggeringly moving and vital and only costs about £4. We caught a couple of bridge jumpers while we were there and there are so many cafes and restaurants with bridge views you can happily sit for an hour or so and catch one.

On Wednesday we got the bus back to Dubrovnik for 4 nights there and stayed in this Apartment in the old town.

Jelena’s apartment cost us £501 for 4 nights. Yes accommodation is more expensive in Dubrovnik, everything is but this was a 2 bed apartment right in the heart of the old town with a small balcony and it was so great to walk out your front door and be in the heart of everything.

While in Dubrovnik we took the cable car up Mt Srd which is a must do even if it’s pretty expensive (about £20 each) and your legs are shaking because you’re scared of heights. We did a walking tour with Dubrovnik Walks which was very good and worthwhile, a GoT tour which probably wasn’t worth the money, walked the city walls (costs about £12, nearly gave me a height related nervo). We also took a boat trip to Cavtat (100 kuna, 80 kuna, which is about £7, if you book your ticket in advance and then you can use it whenever you like) which I really recommend. It’s a village set in a bay down the coast, takes about 40 minutes in the boat to get to and it’s beautiful. It also has a lovely promenade right along the coast to the next village. You have trees on one side and the sea on the other. Visiting Cavtat was a real highlight as was sitting at the waterside cafe Pile Bay, in the shadow of the Red Keep looking at where Marcella sailed off to Dorne, Littlefinger walked with Sansa and the Golden Cloaks hunted for Baratheon’s bastards. Don’t worry if you’re not a Game of Thrones fan, it’s still incredibly beautiful.

After Mostar I found Dubrovnik super touristy and expensive so be prepared. For the first day I worried about that but it won me over with it’s sheer beauty and the amount of great places to sit on rocks and look at the sea.

Anyway, that was my dream holiday and it really was everything I hoped I would be, and in the case of Mostar, much more. Go, you’ll love it.

I, Tonya

My name is Gail and I am an I. Tonya denier. I find myself astonished by the love for this film. It’s a comedy about domestic abuse, child abuse and a violent attack on a sporting rival. But that doesn’t sound funny I hear you say. But perhaps you didn’t realise the people involved are poor, stupid and horrible which is apparently a rich comedy vein. I really fucking hated this film. Oh and the soundtrack is overpowering.

Recommend? Not even if its free and you’re bored.

Game Night

Game Night is funny. Laughs out loud. L O L S. Also it has Kyle Chandler and Jesse Plemons in it. This is the funny Friday Night Lights reunion you have been waiting for. Also Kyle Chandler is hot but also kinda seedy in it. Still hot. Maybe more hot *ponders*. ANYWAY, it’s silly but not dumb, fast paced, loads of fun and they didn’t put all the best jokes in the trailer.

It’s out on Friday. SIGNIFICANTLY SIZED RECOMMEND. Comedies are always better seen with an audience so go.

Isle of Dogs

Wes Anderson does stop motion puppet dogs. It’s quirky, funny, inventive and stunningly beautiful. It’s a goddamn delight. You’ll pick a favourite dog (they are all very good boys, and girls) and have the song from that trailer stuck in your head for days on end. And if you’re the kind of person who hates Wes Anderson films I can’t help you. Nobody can help you.

It’s out on 20 April. BIG RECOMMEND.

Lady Bird

 

Wonderous. Joyful. Sad. Funny. Full of great lines and fantastic performances. Laurie Metcalf’s nuanced performance as a mother who is both awful and not awful at the same time is incredible. This film is a gift, given to us by Greta and Saoirse.

BIG RECOMMEND. GIANT RECOMMEND.

My Films of 2016

I make no claims that these are the “best” films of the year, they are the ones that have most delighted me in some way. They’re not really in any particular order, especially around the middle because I can find no way of saying something is my 6th favourite film of the year and something else is my 7th.

Nothing would make me happier than for you to like the look of one or more of these and give me them a go. If you do, let me know what it was and if you liked it. Always remember though, if you didn’t like it, it’s your fault not mine.

VICTORIA

 

Easing you in gently with a foreign language film shot in real time over 2 hours 2o minutes, but this is wonderful. Victoria is a young Spanish woman recently moved to Berlin and working in a cafe. She goes clubbing on her own, meets a group of young men on leaving the club and the film follows them as their evening unfolds. Before I saw this I thought it would be a technical novelty but instead the technical decision drives the narrative and performances. It feels authentic and, as the film goes on, incredibly tense. On a recent trip to Berlin I got to visit some of the locations used and that only added to the delight I feel about this film. PLEASE WATCH IT.

MANCHESTER BY THE SEA

 

FESTIVAL OF TEARS. Full disclosure, this is the saddest film I’ve seen. Unless you are bereft of feeling, it will break your heart. It is also incredibly written, acted and directed. Casey Affleck gives the performance of a lifetime as Lee Chandler but Lonergan’s direction matches him step for step. The way the film unfolds, using flashbacks that seem less like flashbacks and more like a glimpse in to real memories, mean the tears (and there will be tears) are not cheaply won. For a film with sadness woven so tightly through it there are quite a lot of genuine and warm laughs. It’s a legit masterpiece, knock yourselves out.

KUBO AND THE TWO STRINGS

Apparently some people don’t like animation. Well people have told me this, I cannot understand it on any level. Kubo is peak animation, the medium enhancing the story telling and allowing the film makers to take it to dizzying heights. There are moments in Kubo that made me gasp with delight. It is the perfect blend of technical achievement and compelling story telling, a loveable hero and interesting sidekicks. It is funny and clever and a pure joy.

EVERYBODY WANTS SOME!

I don’t think any director delights me more than Linklater. This is warm and sweet and funny. The film follows Jake on his first weekend at college as he moves in to a house with his baseball teammates. It’s about nothing and everything, a pure snapshot of place and time. I’ve got a very strong conviction that the first 5-7 minutes of this film are the best opening I’ve ever seen.

TRAIN TO BUSAN

Mate, if that trailer didn’t make you want to watch it I don’t know what else I can do. This is fun, exciting, lean, incredible film making.

THE NICE GUYS

I laughed so much at this film. I am laughing now thinking about some of my favourite bits. NO SPOILERS. The idea of a Shane Black buddy movie with comedy Gosling and Russell Crowe as the straight man set a high enough bar but this really delivers on all fronts. It’s set in 1977 LA and the period look works brilliantly with the performances.

MUSTANG

If you like your sad, feminist films wonderfully shot and beautiful to look at then this is the film for you. Mustang is the tale of 5 orphaned sisters living in a Turkish seaside village  with their grandmother. When their grandmother and their Uncle decide their lives are too permissive they decide to make drastic changes. Only one of the girls had acted before and the naturalistic performances and the way the director shoots the physical closeness of the girls means you are drawn so closely in to their world. The film is tragic but beautiful and hopeful.

YOUR NAME

Japanese animated movie that’s a time-traveling, body-swap, love story. But so much better than that sounds. It’s beautiful and funny and sweet and sad. Easily the most charming film I’ve seen this year.

THE BIG SHORT

I saw this as a surprise film at Odeon Screen Unseen and spent the whole film on the edge of my seat. Brilliant performances all round and Ryan Gosling with the worse fake tan you’ve ever seen. Adam McKay managed to make a film about the financial collapse of 2007/8 that is exhilarating, funny and furious.

CAPTAIN AMERICA:CIVIL WAR

The massive Marvel pay-off. All these years building characters you care about and now they make them try to kill each other. It’s ridiculously fun, has one of the best (western cinema) fight scenes OAT. If you don’t like superhero movies each to their own and good luck with the rest of your dull life. (It’s a joke. Don’t go now, there’s more good stuff below:

THE NEXT BEST

CREED: Rocky but with a hot black Rocky. And also the old Rocky. It’s less confusing than I made it sound and also very good.

JULIETA: Incredible performances in Almodovar’s tale of a woman’s life, grief and guilt. This had bewilderingly lukewarm reviews but I loved it.

ROOM: Brie Larsson knocks it out the park as a woman held captive, with her child in a tiny room. There are moments in this film so tense that I could barely breathe despite the fact I had read the book and knew what happened!!

HELL OR HIGH WATER: I see a lot of complaints, from mainly middle-aged men tbh, that the cinemas are full of superhero movies and blockbusters and where are the “proper” films. Here’s one. It’s really good.

10 CLOVERFIELD LANE: John Goodman captures Mary Elizabeth Winstead and keeps her in a bunker. She tries to escape with the help of her fellow captive. So tense. So good. I’m worried this should have been in the top 10 now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 

 

Fantastic Beasts and honestly don’t even bother trying to find them

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

I could break you in gently with a nuanced approach but imma cut right to the chase. It’s rubbish. It is at best mediocre and at worst rubbish. There are a few good things about it but they can’t save it.

So what’s up with it?
Eddie Redmayne. Like a really shit Hugh Grant for the younger generation. Mumbling along, doing that eye slide away thing, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, THIS MAN HAS AN OSCAR. (Don’t even get me started on the fact he has an Oscar. FOR AN IMPERSONATION.) Apparently Newt Scamander is odd. We know this because Eddie is all tics and weirdness and MUMBLING. I confess, I do not like Eddie Redmayne one bit (how does it not freak everyone out that he simultaneously looks 12 and 350) but even allowing for that, this is not a good performance. There’s a scene where he chases a renegade mole/vole round a shop and it calls to mind nothing more than a posh Frank Spencer tbqfhwy.

Magic. This film about wizards and magical creatures has less magic than Tam Shepherd’s joke shop (local jokes for local people). Where’s the wonder? I presume the effects cost a lot of money but it really doesn’t show.

Weird, creepy grooming subplot in a 12a film. Just WTF dude? Did you mean to do that? Why? It was perfectly possible to have that storyline running without weirding people out.

The 215 endings. This film has more endings than Lord of the Rings. YOU HEARD ME. I like endings. Good endings are gold dust. This film has about 7 shots at an ending, one of which is decent.

Johnny Depp. Nope.

What’s good about it?
Some of the supporting cast were really good. Katherine Waterston, Fine Frenzy and Dan Fogler do a great job bringing their characters to life and give the film its only spark. The rest of the characters (Newt aside) get so little screen time and depth that it seems an absolute waste of actors like Colin Farrell and Samantha Morton.

Should I spend £9 going to see this film?
Absolutely fucking not. (My kid quite liked it so if you’re a parent you might have to suck it up.)

If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands…

Or tweet it. Or instagram. Or put it on Facebook.

This is short defence of people having a good time and sharing it. It makes me feel sad that I feel I need to write a short defence of people having a good time and sharing but I do.

I follow someone on twitter who is a journalist for a local newspaper in Scotland. I found out earlier this week he was writing a column slagging off people who had been at T in the Park last week and were posting about it on social media. This is not a pop at him (honest, Paul) but it made me aware of how often I see people say things like this. Just before I sat down to write this I saw a tweet saying people at [insert random event here] couldn’t be having a very good time if they were posting about it AND I JUST DON’T FUCKING GET IT.

I have several points.

1. Do you know how long it takes write a post or take a picture? Seconds. Literally seconds. Even if you’re a fat fingered bozo who taps them out one letter at a time. So even if someone posts 20 pics at an event they’ve probably spent 10 minutes max on their phone. AND YOU’RE NOT THE PHONE POLICE.
2. This is the world now. People document their lives. They share what they’re doing. If you don’t want to do it then, by all means, don’t, but don’t moan about it. You sound like my mother going “But how do you know these people in your phone? Who are they?”. Trust me, you don’t want to sound like my mother.
3. Sefies: I saw folk moan at Francesco Totti for taking a selfie after scoring the equalizer in the Rome derby. GO FUCK YOURSELF. Imagine being able to spontaneously capture happy moments because you always have a camera with you. Imagine being able to take the picture 5 times so you don’t look shit (LIKE 90% OF THE PRE-PHONE PHOTOS OF ME). You probably have one of those “Modern Life is Rubbish” books and moan that children don’t play outside any more.
4. I worry this stuff makes people self-edit. In fact, I know it makes people self edit. And that is bullshit. Congratulations, your snark made someone decide not to post more than 2 pictures of the great night out they’re having. Ain’t you a big deal online.

I honestly fear that we have become overwhelmed by a sea of snark. When Glastonbury was on recently twitter was besieged by people just yelling in to the internet how shit it was. They were watching it and shouting about how shit the band (any band, all the bands) were. I know some of you get your kicks from hate follows and hate watches and who am I to judge but I am old, so I have less years left than you and am I fuck spending them doing or watching things I hate.

Maybe I seem like a hypocrite. I have been known to produce snark of my own and I certainly laugh at some of yours but the people I like, the people who make my online life happier, they like stuff and they have fun and they tell me about it and I am really really glad they do.

Anxiety (or why does my brain hate me?)

I wrote this about 9 months ago to be part of something that didn’t happen and it has sat on my laptop taunting me ever since.  Tonight someone reminded me it is mental health week and I decided to publish it before I have time to think about it and change my mind.  I don’t feel like this just now.  At the moment I feel pretty good but I know it will probably come back.  And when it does, I’ll be ok.

The thing about being anxious is that it often feels like your mind is at war with itself. What’s making me anxious right this minute is that you might think my anxiety isn’t really enough of a mental illness to count and since I’m not medicated I’m a bit of a fraud. The rational part of my brain is telling me that being anxious about people not thinking you are mental enough is probably a prime fucking example of the state you are in. And anyway, if you’ve never hid under a desk at work so you didn’t have to speak to strangers then clearly, you are in no place to judge me.

My anxiety has recently returned after a great couple of years where I almost managed to forget it existed. That’s what it does. The other bastardy thing it does is that when it returns, it takes a different form from before. It’s like some sci-fi monster that changes shape when it regenerates. I’ve got no anxieties about going out just now which is good because I can enjoy parties and gigs without worrying about how I would get out in event of a fire/bomb/unspecified catastrophe prompting a crowd surge. On a less positive note, I now worry excessively about whether people who seem to like me fine have just discovered that I’m actually woefully inadequate in some way and don’t want to be friends with me any more. Had some friends over last week and had a lovely time, spent a couple of hours after they’d gone poring over the night wondering where I might have fucked up and said or done something stupid.

On the rare occasions I give people some hint of how I feel they often respond with “everyone feels like that”. 1. You’re not helpful 2. I really doubt you’ve come home from a night out and cried because you think you might have talked too much and now everyone hates you or played in your head the conversation you will have with the police officer when they come to tell you your whole family has died in an accident, just so you’re prepared.

And the worst thing about this manifestation? It’s so utterly fucking pathetic it makes me hate myself. Other useful advice here includes “people who like you won’t care if you say something stupid”. I KNOW THAT YOU UTTER COCKSOCKET. IT’S ANXIETY NOT A FRONTAL LOBOTOMY.

This is what is going on in my head a lot of the time: the rational part of me arguing with the crazy part. It’s exhausting. It’s also why I don’t really tell people. It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just that how could you not think I’m an idiot? I think I’m an idiot.

And the irony is that I don’t care what 99% of people think of me. It only matters if I really like you. Sporked brain LOLZ.

I’m coming to terms with the fact that maybe I’ll always have these episodes of anxiety and trying to find strategies to get through them better. Trying to accept that maybe it’s not my fault. That maybe I’m not just weak and pathetic. That maybe it’s just a shit thing that happens in my brain and I’m doing ok.

Being outdoors helps, either walking or cycling. I can let all the crazy, irrational thoughts in my head flow through and out without latching on to any of them. Coming home from a bike ride with a quiet brain is one of my favourite things.

I’m lucky. I have someone who loves me at my most messy. People talk about finding someone who makes your heart beat faster. I have someone who makes my heart beat slower. I need that.

Let’s Hear it for the Girls’ (Holiday)

When I was 18 I went on holiday to Ibiza with 4 pals. Well 3 pals and a pal’s pals. Well 2 pals, a pal’s pals and a girl I had known for many years. It’s a rite of passage, isn’t it? Sadly, what it also was, was a bag of pure shite. It all came rushing back to me yesterday when I booked a family holiday to Ibiza so I thought I’d share it with you and we could laugh at me together. I considered changing the names but to be quite honest I haven’t seen any of them for years and the idea of one of them reading this, whilst pretty unlikely, amuses me.

So there was me, Fiona (my best pal), Joan (very good pal), Annette (was at college with Fiona) and Esther (sort of hung about with us but a bit of a pain – WE HAD NO FUCKING IDEA). We were staying in a 2 bedroom apartment in San Antonia which had a bed in the living room. Not a bed settee like you get nowadays, just a bed. I guess it was odd, we were 18 and on our first holiday abroad on our own, nobody cared.

THINGS THAT WENT WRONG:

1. On day 1 Esther accusing me of stealing her money (because she couldn’t count), I held her up against the wall by her throat and she ran out and phoned her mum to tell on me. HOLIDAY FUN TIMEZ.
2. Esther (there is a theme developing here. Esther is a fucking nightmare in whining human form) didn’t like staying out late. Esther didn’t like walking home alone. Every night, Fiona and I (because idiots) would walk her home to the apartment at 1pm and then go back to whatever nightclub we were in.
3. Esther (YES, AGAIN) invited some folk back to the apartment one night, fell asleep and in the morning shouted at us for giving them some of her duty free Cointreau. SHE HAD MARKED THE BASTARDING BOTTLE.
4. One night, Fiona, fed up with Annette and Joan bringing random blokes back to the apartment, heard them on the stairs, ran to the bedroom she and I shared and locked the door. I spent the night on a blow up lilo on the living room floor. GLAMOUR BALEARIC ISLAND HOLIDAY.
5. The massive wanker blokes in the next apartment who spent all day round the pool splashing anyone (ME) lying quietly reading their book. In a bid for revenge I filled a two litre coke bottle with water, climbed on to their balcony (5^th floor FFS) and fired the contents of it on to the bed in the living room. The screams later that night heralded my triumph but every time I think of it I think WHY DID I CLIMB ACROSS BALCONIES 5 FLOORS UP? I AM THE CLUMSIEST PERSON EVER BORN. I legitimately claim this as both a near death experience and proof that you shouldn’t fuck with me when I’m reading.
6. One day, emboldened by day time cocktails I bought a bikini from a beach stall. It was yellow, hand painted with palm trees and gorgeous. I wore it the next day little realising that the frilly bikini bottoms were not particularly robust and that as I walked about they moved up leaving me with wedges of arse with no suntan lotion on them. DON’T SUNBURN YOUR ARSE IS THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE YOU. I spent 3 night sleeping on my front and relying on my pal to apply calamine lotion to my arse. I can probably accurately pinpoint this as the time I gave up on dignity.
7. I got sunstroke. Spent two days in a darkened room ignored by pals who only came in to blag duty free fags off me because “you’re too ill to smoke”. SISTERHOOD FOREVER.

Anyway, we hobbled on to the end of the fortnight, it wasn’t all bad, got a cracking tan, blew the last of my money on a super cool baseball jacket and matching boots on the last day (FUCK OFF, IT WAS 1987). At the airport for our return journey we found out that our flight was delayed by 5 hours. Me and Fiona had enough between us for one Twix and one can of Coke. After 3 hours we were sitting there bored and hungry when Esther came back from the shop with the biggest bag of bacon frazzles I had ever seen. Seeing our smiles of relief she said “if you had been sensible enough to keep money you could have bought some too”. Fiona flew across the low table between them and slapped her. You would have too.

*Regular readers may be interested to know that Esther is the unnamed person in my Weddings blog who inventively created her own wedding list by pritt sticking pictures cut out the Argos catalogue to bits of paper. Read about it here.